So I am a terrible blogger and totally forgot about this place. My bad.
Here is my last couple of months in a breif summary:
I got tired of losing and gaining the same pounds over and over and over again so I started to do some research as to what the hell I was doing wrong, and you know what I figured out??? I was doing EVERYTHING wrong. Yes EVERYTHING, well ok maybe not everything but a lot of things. I figured this out by my wonderful friends on FS and their journals. So on the 26th of January I changed everything I was doing. I went and bought the book “The Carb Lovers Diet”. I do not believe in diets or books like this but I really liked some of the recipies in the book and figured it was a really great place to start learning how to cook.
So the morning of the 26th was judgment day I stepped on the scale it said “207” and I was devistated, I was back well above what I was at Christmas and then I gave the new recipes a try. I religiously counted my calories and I was between 1200 -1400 calories a day and was happy.
Total weightloss for January: +3
I stepped on the scale Feb 2 I was down 2 pounds! woohoo, granted it was mostly water weight but W/e I will take it no matter where it comes from. Continued doing what I was doing the previous week, enjoyed what I was doing so I rolled with it, granted I wasn’t working out but I wanted to get a grip on this cooking thing first lol.
So Feb 9 I step on the scale and I am down 0.4, ok not such a great loss BUT it was still a loss and they all add up! This week I changed it up, I started eating a bit more, and making different foods and I stopped counting caloreis ~gasp~.
Feb 17 I stepped on the scale again I was down another 0.6 pounds. I was eating roughly 1600 calories calories a day, and I started to add exercise to my daily routine. Monday, Wed, Fri are lighter days as I usually only do my walking at the school, but tues and Thurs I hit the pool for lane Swimming has been a great stress relief and I have been sleeping 100x better.
The last weigh in for this month proved another loss, I continued to swim and eat about 1600 calories a day and never started actually tracking my food again.
Total loss for February: 2 pounds
March 1- 9:
Continued doing what I have been doing since Feb. I swim every Tuesday and Thursday and am currently trying to hit 24 lengths of the 25 meter pool in under 10 minutes ( I used to do it in under 8) , I have brought my time down from 24 lengths in 45 minutes to 24 lengths in 18 minutes and 23 seconds. I continue swimming at a slower pace after I complete the 24 and am able to do between 44 and 50 lengths in 45 minutes now.
I have not counted a single stinkin calorie since Saturdy February 12th, and I feel great about this. I burn roughly 2400 calories a day (sometimes more, sometimes less depends on the day) and I am eating about 1600 calories a day (give or take depending on the day an how hungry I am). I have started to listen to my body and I feed it when it asks to be fed, and not when I think it should be fed.
Total loss so far in March:2 pounds
Total loss since January 26: 11 pounds.
Current weight: 199lbs
I am now eating more whole grains, and healthy carbs. I have learned I like cooking and I have also learned that I like a VERY large variety of food that I never even knew existed before January 26th of this year.
I am the smalles I have been in pretty much a year and I feel great!
A couple of weeks ago there was a post on the FS forums that started as “If I were thin I would be…” this topic really sparked something in my head and I came to the conclusion that I would be doing exactly what I am doing right now just better. Now that I said that I will explain.
Why would I wait to be thin to live life? I can live life now, I can enjoy the bright sun shiny days and I can enjoy what is right in front of me right now. Life doesn’t wait for me so why would I expect it to, waiting until I am thin to do things would be just silly.
Here are the things I do right now that I can only see improving.
1. I wear a bathing suit once a week – sure I don’t like the way it looks but you know what? I didn’t like the way it looked when I was 100 pounds either.
2. I run – ok so it more of a jog and its sporadic but I have never been a runner and I don’t expect to ever really be a runner but I am sure as I lose it will be easier.
4. I wear cute clothes – Ok so the clothes could be cuter but you know what.. with a good eye and a lot of looking there are some nice clothes for us fat girls. You just have to get creative.
I refuse to hate myself just because on the outside I am not what society deems to be beautiful. I am beautiful on the inside and the outside and if someone doesn’t agree with me that is ok, they are entitled to their opinion. I think that everyone needs to take a look around them and see the beauty in people maybe it is their eyes, perhaps they have gorgeous hair or a smile that lights up a room. I challenge anyone who has a low self-esteem to stand in front of a full length mirror naked and look at themselves for a long period of time. Look past the lumps, bumps and curves and see the real you and find the beauty that I am talking about.
Do not sit and wait for life to find you.. find life grab it by the tail, and live, laugh and love. Do not let some stupid number or society dictate who you are. Only you can say “I am _____, and I am beautiful.” Only you can make yourself feel like you are worth the effort and only you can make the changes that are needed to help you get there.
You hold the key to yourself, don’t wait for a number to show up on the scale, don’t wait for the perfect man to make you happy and don’t allow anyone the satisfaction of bringing you down.
I would like to say goodbye forever, please do not come back. While 2010 was a great year, I am glad it is over, 2010 holds some pretty big landmarks for me the first being I started a journey that WILL result in Pixi Version 2.0 (new and improved… Caution: may contain more sarcasm), this journey has started 4.5 months ago and I have already learned so much about myself, my body and where I want to go from here, 2010 is the year I learned that I am not unworthy and that I am worth so much more than living only half a life, This is the year that I closed a very painful emotional chapter in my life. So lets take a look back at this year and make a list of the things that I have learned.
August 9th 2010, I decided to grab a hold of my fat ass (not literally) and get it off the couch. I decided that it was time that I got control of my life, my eating and my emotions once and for all. I had been a member of an amazing site, that I had stalked since early January this site changed my life. I asked myself why I honestly wanted to lose weight and the only answer I could come up with was “I am tired of being tired, I am tired of being sick and I am tired of being unhealthy.” In the past the answer was always “So I look good and feel good” I would jump on some weigh-loss bandwagon, restrict myself so much that I would fail. This year is different, in four and a half months I have lost _____lbs, and _______”, I have gained so much more than I have lost. I found a community full of loving and very encouraging/inspiring people, I have gained control of my eating but most of all I have gained a sense of self. I have learned more about myself in four and a half months than I have learned in 28 years. I have along way to go but I really feel like I have figured this weight stuff out. I am confident that by December 31, 2011 I will be here still writing about my journey, still learning and still opening new doors.
Finding out that I am the only person on this earth that thinks I am unworthy was a VERY hard pill to swallow. Coming to terms with who I am and who I want to be was tough but it was something I needed to do. Inside of me there was a person screaming at me to get a hold of my self but I never listened. That was I never listened until I found out about break through. I have done one session (I will be doing more in the new year), in that one session I learned that I am the person that is making me unhappy, no one else has that control its me! I was the defective party in all of this not my friends, not my family, not the stranger that made the comment but ME. I really woke up to this and have been working daily on loving myself, and listening to myself.
Closing the most emotional and painful chapter of my life was not easy, and it is not over (I still have one more page to write in January). Saying my final goodbyes to people I lost 9 years ago, people I loved and charished was a very hard time, but it was much needed. I realized that by holding on to these people and not letting them go was only causing me so much more harm. So to Jon and Grandpa… Goodbye, it is not forever I will see you again. Your memories are fresh in my mind and I will hold you in my heart forever, until we see each other again watch over me and protect me.
So here is what I have to be thankful for and for:
- a wonderful and supportive family – with out them I would be nothing
- amazing friends both online and offline who encourage me to be the best I can be and push me when I need it
- myself, I am an amazing caring beautiful person who is capable of anything that I put my mind to!
- life itself, there is so much I could write in this list but honestly It would never end!
Here is where I am going in the new year:
- I will continue to learn and grow
- I will continue to focus on Pixi 2.0, this is an ongoing work in progress that may take me a lifetime to complete but with the internet as my witness I WILL conquer this.
- I will be a better blogger, I promise I will write more!
- Again this list is entirely too long if I wrote everything out I would be here forever
S0 2010 is over, and THANK GOD. Lets start the new year off right!
Sláinte! and Happy New Year! May 2011 bring amazing things and great health to everyone.
Oh and No I am not sitting at my computer on new years eve, this is a previously written post 😉
I have been battling the bulge so to speak for 134 days, which is exactly 4 months and 12 days, 3216 hours, 192,960 minutes. When you really sit down and think about it 4 months and 12 days have gone by and it feels like I just started to put thought into what was going into my mouth.
I finally reached my first 10 pound loss on the 15th of December which means that on Monday December 13 (my Birthday) I reached my goal of being 200 or less! This is very exciting as I was positive I would not have that goal crossed off by then. I have now started on the next 10 pound goal and I HOPE that it does not take me another 128 days to get 10 pounds off. I know that this week is a terrible week, with Christmas and the parties and the food but I am really hoping to stay on track the best I can and at least maintain until the festivities are over.
I am not sure How I feel…but I am another year older, not to much wiser but in a whole lot better shape than I was last year.
My birthday was pretty low key, just the way it always is because I do not go to the bar on my birthday and I only really celebrate it with my family. With my birthday being so close to Christmas I guess I just got used to not ever having a real birthday party. The day was good, I celebrated on the 12th rather than the 13th because I was not going to be around my family on the 13th. I got tickets to the Wizard Of Oz (the Broadway production) this weekend and am super excited about it! I also got rechargable Wiimote batteries, a calendar, and some ornaments as well as new tires for my Jeep.
Now, for the non-birthday related post.
I am feeling way better than I have been in the past 2 weeks, I can finally kind of breath with out any issues and my coughing has subsided quite a bit. I am going to attempt doing a full work out tonight, but I am not going to push myself if I cannot do it.
I have not had a chance to do my measurements or take my monthly photo so I will do those tonight, I do not think there was a lot of change this month because I have been pretty slack on the exercise, BUT I stepped on the scale Friday (which is not normal for me) and I weighed in at 200.8 lbs, which means i am only 1 pound away from my first goal of 200. Normally by now i would have quit trying and I am not going to lie sometimes I really wish I could just stop doing everything and be naturally skinny, but alas I am not and I am stuck with my short stout stature that requires me to work my ass off in order to be in decent shape.
Well I have decided I am a terrible blogger, because I keep forgetting about this. I am great at writing journals at FS but over here I seem to forget.
December is almost half over, and I cannot believe it. My birthday is on Monday, which makes me feel old and I don’t know why. It is not like its a landmark birthday or anything. Once my birthday is over it is only 12 days until Christmas is it just me or does it feel like approaching at warped speed?
I have been super sick lately, I some how got a bronchial infection, a sinus infection and a double eye infection. The medicine I am on is kicking my ass and the ointment for my eyes makes me blind for about 20 minutes after I use it. I do not feel sick though I still have my energy and up until I got medication my appetite was OK.
well I don’t have time for a super long update but I do know that I have not reached my goal of being below 200 by my birthday (insert sad face here), BUT I will beat the 200’s by the end of the year. I am sure of it!
It is the beginning of a new month which means new goals must be set. Here are my 4 goals for the month of December
1. to kick the number 200 to the curb – i hope this is by my birthday, but I will be happy if it happens by the 31st.
2. Enjoy my holidays but not go crazy with the food. I hope to stay sensible with my food choices and not go over them.
3. Have 1 drink at every party and that is the end of the alcohol. I do not see the need for the extra calories.
4. come away from this month with hardcore plan to kick this weight-loss into high gear in the new year!
If I can walk away successfully completing #2-4 I will be extremely happy!
I have come down with a pretty major cold, which has put a damper on my exercising. I can hardly breath therefore doing anything strenuous is almost impossible. I am feeling better today so I am going to attempt a work out tonight but I am not promising anything. lol
I updated my About Me page, it is pretty basic but it gives you some Idea who I am. I lost my Corel disk so making a new header at the moment is impossible, hopefully I can find it as I think I need a change!
Looking back on November, it was a pretty good month. I was able to over come the emotional hurdle which has haunted me for 9 years, and I feel pretty good about it! Looking forward, I have 2 more pretty emotional hurdles to jump but I am sure I can handle them. This month is another month surrounded with food, and parties and such so it may be a challenge but I am sure I am up to the challenge.
I think I am going to make December the Month that I talk about me, not because I am vain and not because I think I am particularly that important but because I spent majority of my life as an anonymous person, hiding in the shadows and I need to break that habit. I hate talking about myself but it is something that I do need to do. So sit back and enjoy the ride this month, but be warned my mind tends to be a lot like Disney land… On acid, it’s a bit twisted and dark at times and my sense of humor tends to fall in the really sarcastic side of life.